Self-Sabotage

I definitely have dealt with this all my life...whenever things are going well, I somehow figure out something that not only could become worse, I sometimes actually do it myself, to myself. An easy example is lose 5 pounds, and celebrate with something fattening.

 Daily Om posted this last week...

Let yourself take the leap while your hands still tremble, because the moment you begin, the person you need to be will rise to meet you.

Imagine that somewhere inside you is a thermostat. One that determines how much happiness, success, love, or abundance you believe you’re allowed to experience. For years, it has been set at 70 degrees. Then one day, life gives you something wonderful. An opportunity you’ve dreamed about. A relationship that feels safe. A chance to become someone you’ve always hoped you could be. Suddenly, the temperature rises to 80 degrees. And instead of enjoying it, you begin to worry and second-guess yourself. Sometimes, this is what self-sabotage looks like. Not a lack of ambition or desire, but a subconscious fear of stepping beyond what we’ve always known. We procrastinate. We question ourselves. We find reasons to walk away from the very things we’ve prayed for. Because even when our circumstances are changing for the better, a part of us may still be trying to protect us from the unfamiliar. And there is something deeply human about that. But we are capable of growing beyond the limits we’ve unknowingly placed on ourselves. The next time you find yourself pulling away from something good, ask yourself: What am I afraid might happen if this actually works out? Listen to the answer without judgment. Question the stories you’ve come to believe about what you deserve. And the next time an opportunity appears, let yourself take the leap while your hands still tremble, because the moment you begin, the person you need to be will rise to meet you.

Today I've managed to do lots of good things for myself. Baby steps.

I kept track of the exercises I did. (I didn't keep track of how my muscles felt afterward, but I did notice how my knees ached doing the squats...I hope the therapist gives me some tips tomorrow to help on that!)

I went grocery shopping and stood up for myself when the advertised pears were all gone, at 10 o'clock in the morning...she said they were sold out. I should have asked for a coupon or whatever they're called, raincheck? I also asked for the free chocolate bar which I'd signed up for...and my $60 of organic groceries certainly qualified me for. The clerk asked another one if that was still on, and today is the last day, he said. Then she went looking for a box of chocolate bars, offered me my choice, and then just kept 5 at her station, giving the box back to the other clerk. I loved my choice.

I went to the second store and found I had not remembered correctly which day was senior's discount day. It's first Wednesday not Tuesday each month.

Shall I go back tomorrow? I forgot a few things. Maybe. If I feel like it. I'll see if a 10% discount feeling comes with me. I think that's the deal they offer.

I kind of spent my budget today though.

I love looking at the good things coming my way and pushing myself to enjoy them, rather than stopping myself because of that self-sabotaging part of my personality. 

Let's go Barb! The sky's the limit.

I hope the election shows everyone how people power can actually make democracy work again.

I'm so grateful today is the last day of every ever-loving Democratic group will stop texting me! (written on Tuesday!)

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And now that January will see a different kind of government in many places, our joys from this election need to be held in our hearts, so we can do the work that still is in front of us.

No sabotaging people!

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